Is Hello A Dirty Word?

“‘Say Hello’ was inspired by optimism.” Nancy Wilson

You would think that saying hello would be easy, but over the last year, I have found it to be interesting and not what I expected to experience.

Depending on the weather, I spend time in nature a few times a week. As I walk around the local parks, I find myself saying hello to strangers, and to my surprise, their responses often take me aback.

I have found that people fall into the following categories: 

  • #FriendlyHuman,
  • #Don’tLookorTalkToMe,
  • #DogLover, 
  • #ReciprocatedHelloOnSteroids,
  • #Letmebe,
  • #LeaveMeThef***Alone.

Friendly or NOT

I am friendly and polite, but I wonder if this has always been the case. Then I realized that it certainly was not. I was pleasant to those that I knew, but that was not the case with strangers.  

Throughout my life, I have learned and adjusted my behavior to my surroundings.  Growing up in Los Angeles, I would have never waved or said hello to a passerby. I’m not sure if that was due to the underlying fear of strangers or simply growing up distrusting others.  

So when did I become friendly?

 

Through the years, I moved to multiple cities. The journey began in Los Angeles, followed by stops in Denver, Miami-Fort Lauderdale, Pittsburgh, San Francisco, Port St. Lucie, Hartford, Daytona Beach, and my current home outside Farmington, CT.  

 

When I moved to smaller cities, my behavior toward strangers changed.  I specifically remember living in Mt. Lebanon, a suburb of Pittsburgh, when a passerby waved to my husband and me for no other reason than to be friendly. 

This experience began a different expectation of the communities where I chose to live.  As time passed, I continued to walk around my neighborhood. I grew accustomed to waving and saying hello to strangers on the street. 

The thing about this behavior is that it has become an essential part of my personality. I enjoy being friendly, saying hello, and reaching out to friends and family, as well as the butcher at the store or my mail carrier. 

After moving to my newest home in Connecticut, the walks began, and I found myself daring people to interact. I would do a combination of a wave, nod, smile, or say hello. What I was greeted with amazed me, and I have broken down my encounters into six categories. 

#FriendlyPerson 

I’ve learned that the optimal encounter is obviously with the Friendly Person. This person is perceived to be kind and caring, although this perception is based on no tangible evidence except for their smile.

So, when I walk through my local park as the recipient of that smile, I feel at ease and look forward to those encounters. 

 

#Don’tLookorTalkToMe’

There are two versions of this person. One gives off the vibe and would prefer to be ignored and left alone. As a social person, I must remind myself that this individual may be on a different path. 

They may visit the park for peace, to enjoy the scenery, or to clear their head. They might also be shy or lack the confidence to engage with strangers.   

The other individual goes out of their way to avoid a friendly gesture and will move to the other side of the street as they see you approaching. This person will also prevent any eye contact. 

Many of these encounters sparked a deeper conversation with my son, one I hadn’t considered before. People tend to react differently depending on who says hello to them. 

People are more receptive if it is a young child or a woman. However, the reactions can be completely different if the one saying hello is a male or a male of color. This fact is one that I want to be very aware of, as I don’t want to make anyone feel more uncomfortable than they already appear to be. 

 

#DogLover 

The #DogLover encounter is usually one of the safest because it isn’t about them. It’s about their dog.

They understand that the dog gets all the attention, so it’s okay to say hello, smile, and even ask where they got the dog or if you can pet it.  

This interaction results in everyone feeling comfortable. I have found myself smiling at a pet owner, and when they reacted nervously/unfriendly, all I had to say was, “What a beautiful dog,” and their reactions turned around. Again, because it isn’t about them, they tend to be more receptive. 

#ReciprocatedHelloOnSteroids

Through my many walks, I have encountered a version of this person. They will often engage in more conversation than I ever intended.

For me, “Hello, just trying to be friendly here” is the vibe I’m going for, and it’s what makes me comfortable.  

#Letmebe 

The # LetMeBe category encompasses two distinct personality types.  One is to please leave me alone, as I’m outside for my health. The person at the park engages in the available exercise equipment and loop options. So I respect their wish and will leave them alone.  

The other is the individual who is out for their 20-mile ride and can’t stop to talk; however, the friendly biker occasionally smiles, gives a small wave or nod, and, on a rare occasion, will say hello as they race by.  

#LeaveMeThef***Alone

This person gives off the vibe of You disgust me.  They are miserable in the park, at home, or at work. I’ve learned to give them a wide berth and let them contaminate the air around them, not me.  

 

So what’s the protocol for Greetings? 

My greetings range from a nod, a smile, a wave, or simply saying hello. And if I am so moved, it could be a combination wave and hello. Over the years, I learned to read people well. And depending on those first 5 seconds, I decide to nod, wave, say hello, or completely ignore them. Those 5 seconds set the stage for how I felt about being friendly or rejected.

I almost always say hello first and am surprised when someone else does. Acknowledging people is not only a friendly gesture but one that makes people feel comfortable and safe.

When I say hello to a fellow walker and they make eye contact, but then keep walking without acknowledging me, I think how rude and unfriendly they are. But my Intent is never to cause someone to be uncomfortable. Well, ALMOST never.

There have been a few times that I got annoyed because of their rudeness. And on those occasions, I found myself thinking an explicative or sharing with my son that I would write a blog post titled “Look Up F***ER which always makes us laugh.  

However, most of the days that I walk, I am always happy that I did. On a good day, I can walk by someone in the park and say hello, wave, or smile; it doesn’t matter if they respond. But when they reply, it restores my faith in humanity, and I know in my heart that saying HELLO is NOT a dirty word.