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Grief and His First Love

“For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.” Audrey Hepburn

Forty-two days after my loved one passed, I left my home in the northeast to attend a special celebration in Florida. I wanted to be at this anniversary party for my close friend. However, as a new widow, I sought the tenderness, compassion, and unconditional love that I knew that many of the guests would be able to provide.

Nothing Could Touch Me

We stayed on the beach, sharing a condo overlooking the Atlantic Ocean. The view was beautiful and the ocean air felt healing. I took the couch to sleep with the sliding glass doors open and heard the waves in the evening. Nothing seemed like it could touch me here, not even the despair and separateness I felt before arriving. I needed some time to be, breathe, and feel a connection to the God of my understanding.

 

On that beautiful morning, I sat on the balcony, letting my breath carry me into a place of peace when my phone rang.

 

Glancing at the face, I saw that it was my loved one’s ex-wife. I knew that I was grieving, the sense of loss I felt was overwhelming, and the last person I wanted to speak to was an ex-wife.

The last person I wanted to speak to was an ex-wife. Click To Tweet

I summoned all the patience and tolerance I had and answered the phone. Instead of my head telling me that it would be unpleasant and trying, I allowed my kind and loving God to open me up to whatever was on the other end of the phone.

I listened and I found myself letting her kindness and thoughtfulness touch me.  I don’t remember what was said as the conversation was short. However, it was clear that it was an act of compassion that didn’t need to happen but did. She went out of her way to let me know that she was thinking of me. She expressed her kindness and shared her most profound regret for my loss.

The Mother of my Daughter

 

This woman was the mother of my daughter. She was my loved one’s first love, high school girlfriend, and ex-wife.

 

What I know is that this woman was most certainly experiencing her own sense of loss, and she still took the time to call me. This act of kindness reminded me not to assume anything about what an ex-wife could or would do.

I ended the telephone call grateful for the work we had done through the years to put aside the wife/ex-wife thing and do what would be best for our children. And on this day, of all days, it paid off.

 

On this day, I was reminded not to project or deny someone an opportunity to practice compassion and empathy no matter who they are. I know today that kindness is not just relegated to family and friends.

I am incredibly grateful to that special ex-wife whose kind and gentle words provided an unexpected reprieve in the middle of my grief. For that, I am extremely thankful.

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Peace In the Middle of Grief

“Sometimes you need to press pause to let everything sink in.” Sebastian Vettel

A few of us traveled to Florida to be at a friend’s thirtieth-anniversary celebration. Arriving and immediately feeling the warmth of the weather was a welcomed change from our snow in the Northeast. My friends had rented a couple of condos,’ and I was fortunate enough to have been invited to share a space overlooking the beautiful Atlantic Ocean from the seventh floor.

Two of the women ended up with the bedrooms in one condo, but I had the best room in the house, the couch in the living room. The living room had sliding glass doors to the balcony, so I would open the doors to 

catch the tropical breeze and hear the waves. Click To Tweet

The Gathering Place

The condo had a dining and living room area where the women would snack, talk, and make plans for the next few days of our visit. However, despite the women’s generosity and warmth they gave to me, I still felt alone. Wearing my heart on my sleeve, it was apparent to anyone that I was broken and in a fog.

We would go out to eat, and conversations took place all around me, but I spent most of my time in silence. The women were incredible, and they tried to draw me out. However, they tended to ask questions about how I felt and offered solutions to my dilemma, which would feed into the thought process that I should be doing better.  

However, a good friend of mine and one of the women I shared the condo with was different. My friend didn’t judge. She

didn't offer suggestions of what I should or shouldn't be doing, Click To Tweet

didn’t try to make it better but what she did do was just listen. She gave me her undivided attention and I felt comfortable enough to share some of the most devastating moments of my loved one’s final days. Feeling safe, I shared and cried over my unimaginable loss. 

Unexpected Blessing

I realized that being at the condo was a blessing that I hadn’t anticipated. In the middle of winter, this getaway provided me with some peace of mind, but more importantly, I felt my heart comforted.

The conversations that I had with this close friend were healing, and the view of the ocean provided a sense of serenity that I hadn’t felt since my loved one’s death.   

I know that on that evening I felt blessed to have a friend like her. The sounds of the crashing waves enabled me to fall asleep and provided a glimpse of some peace in the middle of my grief.

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From Two to One

#myfirstbook ‘From Two to One’ will officially launch on February 19, 2022, at #AmeliaIndieAuthors virtual book festival.

It has been quite the journey, and I’m finally allowing myself to enjoy it.

I initially started writing to get through the pain of losing my spouse. As time passed, I realized that #grief had invaded every area of my life. I had a difficult time believing that I would ever feel happiness again.

As I walked through the various experiences, I saw that there was life before grief, and there was undoubtedly life during the grief process. I just had to commit to participating in it.

I became motivated to write about my painful journey because hope appeared as I walked through my life. I wished that I could again have a life worth living. At first, there were small hope-filled glimpses. Then the moments became an afternoon and eventually a day.

If you have gone from being a Two to a One, may hope fill your days and peace fill your heart.

This book may be purchased at Amazon.      https://rb.gy/bjueiy